what is a raskolnikovna?

a raskolnikovna is an obscure female species found lurking in urban areas (preferably metros). it is possible, however, to find raskolnikovnas hanging around rural areas (where cigarettes and chai are available) on occasion.

a raskolnikovna is pro-globalization, but possesses the habits found in government officers from more communist regimes (maoist). a very redeeming trait of a raskolnikovna is the desire for all things obscure, right from music to coffee beans. they are part-punjabi, part-maharashtrian, gujarati, irish and tam brahm, especially on the ethno-centric front.

this creature has a love-hate relationship with the media field. she enjoys criticizing dipshits employed in creative, client servicing and acting, while taking the occasional swipe at journalists, particularly desktop writers. while it is expected that she would have a healthy respect for scientists, engineers, accountants and other "respectable" professions, the truth is, she just finds them fucking boring and not nearly as much fun to taunt as mediapeople. raskolnikovnas take their professions as "media researchers" a little too seriously, researching everything from the latest campaign plugged by amsterdam's single location agency, 360 to India's finest cult flicks (read, mithunda starrers directed by kanti shah).

raskolnikovnas take to plagiarizing just because they don't happen to possess any talent to string two words together coherently. they abuse ellipses, let loose entire armies of fragments and almost invariably end a subject abruptly much to the chagrin to copy editors. a raskolnikovna's idea of art is to take lyrics du jour and render it in typographic styles that defy all rules of this high art or any sense of aesthetics for that matter. they have a penchant for trebuchet.

raskolnikovnas love movies. one of the few things they actually pay attention to. they also read movie scripts on occasion. this particular raskolnikovna's current favourite dialogues include "you rock, rock" from i heart huckabees, samuel l. jackson's "did i break your concentration?" from that dialogue-ricochet worthy tarantino classic, Pulp fiction and bhulla's achingly beautiful outburst of grief to his raped and left for dead sister- "maine tere liye teen sau ladke dekhe rakhe the. woh bhi chikne."

food is a fine way to lure a raskolnikovna. as a matter of fact, raskolnikovnas know festivals, communities and countries by food. never contest with a raskolnikovna on the matter of vegetarianism, chocolates and alcohol. raskolnikovnas worship coffee and accord the highest respect to south indian mamis (and mamas) who can make that perfect cuppa kaapi.

around the time that their uterus walls start chipping away every month, raskolnikovnas slip into depression and end up listening to slowdive, death cab for cutie or worse still, leonard cohen's "hallelujah" on loop for hours on end. they are unpredictable, especially when it comes to cigarette brands or for that matter, cigarettes consumed in a day.

raskolnikovnas adore their friends and despise them when it's all over. stability is merely a collection of letters that doesn't make much sense. a raskolnikovna's zodiac sign includes aquarius, capricorn, scorpio and the slightest hint of gemini. in other words, there's no telling what a raskolnikovna will do next.

raskolnikovnas can look like anything from a chamathu iyer ponnu to something that the cat threw away. they think that masters' degrees are necessary only to look good on a matrimonial site. a raskolnikovna's worst nightmare is migrating to america. period.

while this is no introduction to what this particular raskolnikovna is going to write next, you know what not to ask a raskolnikovna. ever. again.