... i'd be the nosejob.
and my speciality would be slitting people's throats *halal style* and pulling their brains out through their nostrils once they have been thoroughly bled.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Monday, February 5, 2007
kicking up a 'crorepati' storm.
quiz shows. there's something about them that disrupts an otherwise stable psyche at an individual level and at a macro level- it causes people to think irrationally, changing the world as we know it. kaun banega crorepati whipped up a fury at its inception and the one thing that has stayed common through these three seasons, other than the fact that its airing on Star Plus, is the fact that it continues to kick up a storm at the least or a tornado, at best.
the third season of kbc has had pretty much the same effect on the media and marketing circles as satan puckering up to an innocent virgin child. 24 hour news channels and media journals have managed to further confuse an already perplexed audience by weilding the ratings weapon- some fucking dipshit thought it would be a brilliant idea to compare kbc 3 with the previous season.
fuck the fact that universe sizes have changed since season 2, the entire fucking realm of television has undergone a paradigm shift. plus, let's not forget the weekday-weekend split- no point comparing a weekday show with a weekend show.
kbc 2 aired on weekends and was the perfect launching ground for baa, bahoo and baby on the 10 o'clock weekend slot. the 8.30 show that aired from monday to thursday saw a new lease on life when it was extended to friday. post kbc 2, however, the 9 to 10 weekday slot on star plus just rolled over and died like a st. bernard that had suffered too long and too painfully. as far as programming heads go, kbc 3 is the beautiful rebound for an audience that had moved on to Zee, kasamh se.
star plus is doing pretty fine, really, if you go past the TAM ratings and check out the aMap ratings. for the uninitiated, TAM's ratings come out an entire week later, aMap gives out ratings overnight. take the aMap ratings, write the dates against each day and plot 'em on a line graph. Star Plus is doing pretty neatly, really. for those who really want to look at an in depth analysis, check out this piece.
if the oms-hansa study is anything to go by, shah rukh khan is doing his job just fine in helping star plus (and in turn, marketers) reach out to a younger audience. it's going to be a while before kbc 3 does a titanic if you really consider the facts...
the third season of kbc has had pretty much the same effect on the media and marketing circles as satan puckering up to an innocent virgin child. 24 hour news channels and media journals have managed to further confuse an already perplexed audience by weilding the ratings weapon- some fucking dipshit thought it would be a brilliant idea to compare kbc 3 with the previous season.
fuck the fact that universe sizes have changed since season 2, the entire fucking realm of television has undergone a paradigm shift. plus, let's not forget the weekday-weekend split- no point comparing a weekday show with a weekend show.
kbc 2 aired on weekends and was the perfect launching ground for baa, bahoo and baby on the 10 o'clock weekend slot. the 8.30 show that aired from monday to thursday saw a new lease on life when it was extended to friday. post kbc 2, however, the 9 to 10 weekday slot on star plus just rolled over and died like a st. bernard that had suffered too long and too painfully. as far as programming heads go, kbc 3 is the beautiful rebound for an audience that had moved on to Zee, kasamh se.
star plus is doing pretty fine, really, if you go past the TAM ratings and check out the aMap ratings. for the uninitiated, TAM's ratings come out an entire week later, aMap gives out ratings overnight. take the aMap ratings, write the dates against each day and plot 'em on a line graph. Star Plus is doing pretty neatly, really. for those who really want to look at an in depth analysis, check out this piece.
if the oms-hansa study is anything to go by, shah rukh khan is doing his job just fine in helping star plus (and in turn, marketers) reach out to a younger audience. it's going to be a while before kbc 3 does a titanic if you really consider the facts...
Friday, February 2, 2007
what is a raskolnikovna?
a raskolnikovna is an obscure female species found lurking in urban areas (preferably metros). it is possible, however, to find raskolnikovnas hanging around rural areas (where cigarettes and chai are available) on occasion.
a raskolnikovna is pro-globalization, but possesses the habits found in government officers from more communist regimes (maoist). a very redeeming trait of a raskolnikovna is the desire for all things obscure, right from music to coffee beans. they are part-punjabi, part-maharashtrian, gujarati, irish and tam brahm, especially on the ethno-centric front.
this creature has a love-hate relationship with the media field. she enjoys criticizing dipshits employed in creative, client servicing and acting, while taking the occasional swipe at journalists, particularly desktop writers. while it is expected that she would have a healthy respect for scientists, engineers, accountants and other "respectable" professions, the truth is, she just finds them fucking boring and not nearly as much fun to taunt as mediapeople. raskolnikovnas take their professions as "media researchers" a little too seriously, researching everything from the latest campaign plugged by amsterdam's single location agency, 360 to India's finest cult flicks (read, mithunda starrers directed by kanti shah).
raskolnikovnas take to plagiarizing just because they don't happen to possess any talent to string two words together coherently. they abuse ellipses, let loose entire armies of fragments and almost invariably end a subject abruptly much to the chagrin to copy editors. a raskolnikovna's idea of art is to take lyrics du jour and render it in typographic styles that defy all rules of this high art or any sense of aesthetics for that matter. they have a penchant for trebuchet.
raskolnikovnas love movies. one of the few things they actually pay attention to. they also read movie scripts on occasion. this particular raskolnikovna's current favourite dialogues include "you rock, rock" from i heart huckabees, samuel l. jackson's "did i break your concentration?" from that dialogue-ricochet worthy tarantino classic, Pulp fiction and bhulla's achingly beautiful outburst of grief to his raped and left for dead sister- "maine tere liye teen sau ladke dekhe rakhe the. woh bhi chikne."
food is a fine way to lure a raskolnikovna. as a matter of fact, raskolnikovnas know festivals, communities and countries by food. never contest with a raskolnikovna on the matter of vegetarianism, chocolates and alcohol. raskolnikovnas worship coffee and accord the highest respect to south indian mamis (and mamas) who can make that perfect cuppa kaapi.
around the time that their uterus walls start chipping away every month, raskolnikovnas slip into depression and end up listening to slowdive, death cab for cutie or worse still, leonard cohen's "hallelujah" on loop for hours on end. they are unpredictable, especially when it comes to cigarette brands or for that matter, cigarettes consumed in a day.
raskolnikovnas adore their friends and despise them when it's all over. stability is merely a collection of letters that doesn't make much sense. a raskolnikovna's zodiac sign includes aquarius, capricorn, scorpio and the slightest hint of gemini. in other words, there's no telling what a raskolnikovna will do next.
raskolnikovnas can look like anything from a chamathu iyer ponnu to something that the cat threw away. they think that masters' degrees are necessary only to look good on a matrimonial site. a raskolnikovna's worst nightmare is migrating to america. period.
while this is no introduction to what this particular raskolnikovna is going to write next, you know what not to ask a raskolnikovna. ever. again.
a raskolnikovna is pro-globalization, but possesses the habits found in government officers from more communist regimes (maoist). a very redeeming trait of a raskolnikovna is the desire for all things obscure, right from music to coffee beans. they are part-punjabi, part-maharashtrian, gujarati, irish and tam brahm, especially on the ethno-centric front.
this creature has a love-hate relationship with the media field. she enjoys criticizing dipshits employed in creative, client servicing and acting, while taking the occasional swipe at journalists, particularly desktop writers. while it is expected that she would have a healthy respect for scientists, engineers, accountants and other "respectable" professions, the truth is, she just finds them fucking boring and not nearly as much fun to taunt as mediapeople. raskolnikovnas take their professions as "media researchers" a little too seriously, researching everything from the latest campaign plugged by amsterdam's single location agency, 360 to India's finest cult flicks (read, mithunda starrers directed by kanti shah).
raskolnikovnas take to plagiarizing just because they don't happen to possess any talent to string two words together coherently. they abuse ellipses, let loose entire armies of fragments and almost invariably end a subject abruptly much to the chagrin to copy editors. a raskolnikovna's idea of art is to take lyrics du jour and render it in typographic styles that defy all rules of this high art or any sense of aesthetics for that matter. they have a penchant for trebuchet.
raskolnikovnas love movies. one of the few things they actually pay attention to. they also read movie scripts on occasion. this particular raskolnikovna's current favourite dialogues include "you rock, rock" from i heart huckabees, samuel l. jackson's "did i break your concentration?" from that dialogue-ricochet worthy tarantino classic, Pulp fiction and bhulla's achingly beautiful outburst of grief to his raped and left for dead sister- "maine tere liye teen sau ladke dekhe rakhe the. woh bhi chikne."
food is a fine way to lure a raskolnikovna. as a matter of fact, raskolnikovnas know festivals, communities and countries by food. never contest with a raskolnikovna on the matter of vegetarianism, chocolates and alcohol. raskolnikovnas worship coffee and accord the highest respect to south indian mamis (and mamas) who can make that perfect cuppa kaapi.
around the time that their uterus walls start chipping away every month, raskolnikovnas slip into depression and end up listening to slowdive, death cab for cutie or worse still, leonard cohen's "hallelujah" on loop for hours on end. they are unpredictable, especially when it comes to cigarette brands or for that matter, cigarettes consumed in a day.
raskolnikovnas adore their friends and despise them when it's all over. stability is merely a collection of letters that doesn't make much sense. a raskolnikovna's zodiac sign includes aquarius, capricorn, scorpio and the slightest hint of gemini. in other words, there's no telling what a raskolnikovna will do next.
raskolnikovnas can look like anything from a chamathu iyer ponnu to something that the cat threw away. they think that masters' degrees are necessary only to look good on a matrimonial site. a raskolnikovna's worst nightmare is migrating to america. period.
while this is no introduction to what this particular raskolnikovna is going to write next, you know what not to ask a raskolnikovna. ever. again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)